I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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