If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
