i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
