really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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