it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
