I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
