Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
