she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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