Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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