I need help removing her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
