hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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