My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
