homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
