why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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