Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
