Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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