I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
