i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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