I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
