Christians are straight up FREAKS
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
