Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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