On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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