My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
