Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
