he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I could fuck to npr.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
