Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
