Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
