so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
