Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
