so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
