Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
