i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
