I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
