so let's talk penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
