hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
