Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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