That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
