dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
