are you still at the devil's house?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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