My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
