She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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