Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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