i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
