You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
