My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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