Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
