I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
