what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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