Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
