I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
